The Balancing Act

Highs- 1. Buffalo Exchange with my mama
           2. Sunshine- though brief, was out
           3. Skyping the sis in Cali
           4. My children's taste in library books:


Lows: My brother brought this home for the biggest nugget-

She calls it her daughter. 

Now on to the day...  A little sunshine this morning allowed for two big kids to escape outside while I put up a bunch of new magnets on the fridge for the tiniest to play with. With which she only did this-

Choosing to just let her have at it, I turned my attention to possibly the most important thing in a mother's morning:

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her coffee.

While I enjoyed my favorite part of the day, I watched Lucy try to master (yet again) the art of pogo-ing. She is terrible at it, just terrible. But her determination presses on. I caught the 1/2 second she actually has both feet up and made her look like a pro. She was thrilled with this shot. 

The deeper into this mama role I get, the more I realize how very little we as parents know what we're doing. I used to think the kids as babies were challenging, and kept me so busy, and this parenting thing is "no joke" (and this isn't saying babies don't have tough phases). But then, they get older, and everything gets more interesting. And I have a feeling this holds true for the rest of time. Kids get smarter, their "issues" get trickier, and your role becomes a lot less meeting basic needs, and a lot more relying on grace, and simply hoping you're doing things right.

It's been no secret that our oldest is "strong willed" to label a far overused term. We truly have had a countless number of those "what do we do" moments as my husband and I make eye contact over our 5 year old's head.

Once recognizing the problem, I think parents are taught (at least I was) to give them consequences; and give them every. time. it. happens. Don't get me wrong- I think consistency in how you parent is key to the child's success. But, consistency does not have mean punishment every time the kid messes up.

I found that after diagnosing the "issue of the week," and going all out trying to wipe it clean from our family list of problems, I only created a new one- I felt like the only relationship I had with my kiddo was that of discipline.

What if every single time we made a mistake someone was in our face about it? Where is the balance first of grace, and second of allowing natural consequences to occur (and take the pressure off mom and dad).

There are certainly times in which really driving home a point and setting up a boundary are necessary, and that's where we step up our "loving" in different ways- a nice date or some one on one time seem to do the trick for our nuggets in the weeks that we're working hard on a certain issue. It's been so interesting as they grow to realize how much I need to be so sensitive to the situation, to the child, and to what my husband and I feel the direction we need to head is for that week with them all.

Another "balancing act" I found myself in today was this morning. Lucy said how much she wishes she had a boyfriend, and then went as far to let these words casually fall out of her cute, innocent, kindergarten mouth, "boys make you happy".

Remaining entirely in control (ha) I gasped and half yelled, "NO, boys do not make you happy- boys are not how you will become happy, Lucy". I could tell by her face that she was entirely confused at my serious tone. Then, I realized that perhaps I'd made a mistake. I'd taken something that adults know only through bad experiences of either their own lives, or others around them, and assumed that's where her mind was.

I took a step back and asked her where she'd heard that. Her answer?? Jack. Her 4 year old brother. He (in his own way) explained that he really finds friends that are boys make him far happier than any other thing in this world. Where else can you create the ideal day of pretending to be some character from Star Wars chasing down some other character from a Marvel movie all while shooting imaginary aliens popping out of the vents in the ceiling?? What could possibly make you more happy than that?

I'd jumped too far. I'd put my own corruption on her. My own fears of a) don't say boyfriend, you're too young, and b) definitely don't say boys are the key to happiness in your life, just popped out of my mouth and I exposed her to this whole new thought of wondering why I'd reacted to her saying boyfriends would be great.

Wah. I wish we could have that filter quick enough in our minds to catch ourselves sometimes! My new goal is to treat parenting as the balancing act that it indeed is. To try to keep that steady middle ground between leaning too far one way or the other. To know that consequences and structure are necessary in learning, but not any more than grace and love are. To be quick to remember the gift children have of innocence, and sweetness, and want to allow that to grow and not have to fall away with age.

Now, at the end of all of this deep realization I totally scored and found this on top of my fridge:

There is a good chance it's from Valentine's Day last year, but, candy's candy- no matter how many years old it is. Chocolate always helps with me get out of a funk. That, and Gram swept in to take Lucy on what apparently is a marathon adventure; as they are still not home. 

If any veteran mama's who care to share that there is indeed a light at the end of the long dark tunnel that is the stubborn child- I'd love to hear some encouragement from you! Cause, we all know my ideas are only theoretical at this point- and often times feel like I'm just wingin' this mama business. And honestly, a blog is really awkward if I don't at least get some feedback of some sort. Hi, this is me, and this is what I did today/what I'm thinking about feels a bit too into myself if I never get some constructive criticism, or some cyber high fives.